Why He Cheated

I was reading an article about the reasons why men cheat. To my surprise, most men cheat because they do not feel appreciated. While I do not tolerate cheating of any sort and that is the number one deal breaker for me, I can understand why that would lead to  cheating in a relationship. 

I recently had a wake up call in my relationship. I have developed this selfish all about me habit when it comes to being in a relationship. I have been hurt too many times in my past relationships, that I have this wall built between me and another individual. I figure, I’ll get everything I want out of someone before they leave me and disregard how they feel about things. I’ll be the first to admit, this is the wrong way to go about things in a relationship. If your you man is not making you feel secure about something, the best thing is to talk about it. You should never shut out what hurts them, because you feel they are hurting you. 

My boyfriend and I are not perfect, but we have no problem communicating how we feel about things between one another. Every morning before I head to work, I would give him a kiss goodbye and if he is awake enough, he compliments me on how I look. He actually compliments me a lot lol. If I am upset, he is there to comfort me and to listen to what I have to say.

My boyfriend is a very sweet and caring individual and I took that for granted. I realized after one disagreement we had about how I made him feel, that I did not show how much I appreciated him. I just figured he knew that I appreciated him. I am here to tell you to not assume your man knows you appreciate him. You have to show and tell him on a daily basics. 

I decided to write this post to outline someways to show your man that he is appreciated. 

  1. Plan a trip/outing for the both of you: This does not have to be expensive. You can look up local resorts or hotels within your area. Having a night out the house with just the two of you could be what you and he needs. And taking time to plan a trip somewhere shows appreciation, because it takes time to plan a trip. 
  2. Compliment him: We as women get complimented wherever we go. Men really do not get complimented as much as we do, and it can do things to their self-esteem. Men not only get haircuts for themselves, but they get them to look good for their women as well. Letting him know he looks good, will give him that extra boost to his confidence. 
  3. Instead of telling him what he does wrong, try telling him what he does right: Men already think we nag all of the time. Think about it, if you had someone constantly telling you what you do/did wrong and never what you do/did right, you would think the same thing. And it would not motivate you to make the needed changes either. Try telling him what he does right for change. By focusing on the positives in your relationship, it will decrease the negativity within your relationship. When you bring something to his attention, he would more than likely be more inclined to make the changes, like clean the toilet, because you told him on numerous of occasions you appreciated the small things he does. 
  4. Spend time with him: I am not a fan of sports and I barely watch cartoons. However, my man love sports and these Japanese cartoons (they are really good btw). I take a genuine interest in what he likes to watch on television and the things he likes to do. This allows us to spend time together and a chance for me to learn more about him. 
  5. Support your man dreams/goals: My boyfriend is an actor and model. I am at every event he has and I offer advise on areas where he can approve and what he did well. We are building a future together and I understand his success is my success. I want nothing more for him to live out all of his dreams and if I can help in anyway, I am going to do just that. Do not be a dead beat downer and tell him what he cannot do. Instead, encourage and breathe life into your man. By taking a genuine interest in his dreams, it shows you care about what is important to him. 

These are just some starting points to show appreciation for your man. Now, I am not saying this will prevent cheating in a relationship, but making sure your man feels appreciated could decrease the chances of cheating. 

Make sure to comment below some of your suggestions and add any feedback to what I have stated below. 

Like. Comment. Share

How to have a successful relationship!

Although, I am 23 years old, I feel I have some pretty good pointers on how to have a prosperous and healthy relationship. Not only have I had a class or two on romantic relationships, but I study them a lot. Now, I am not saying what I am suggesting will automatically allow you to have a perfect relationship and or fix what’s wrong in your relationship, because no relationship is perfect and it takes two willing individuals to make the relationship work. However, the advise and pointers I am providing, will help guide you to having a healthy relationship.

Listed below are the 5 top things  (with 1 extra) I believe will lead you to have a prosperous and healthy relationship!

  1. Love yourself: Loving yourself is the best gift you can give to yourself/ man. When you truly love yourself, you are able to fully love someone else. You have accepted and embraced the person you are and you will not tolerate or let anyone tear you down, because you know your worth. Too many times we look for our men to validate our worth and to tell us we are beautiful, when we should be telling ourselves that. I’m not saying he cannot compliment you, because he should. However, when you wait for him to validate the woman you are, then you’re kinda setting yourself up for disappointment. Truth is, sometimes your man may not compliment you in the way you want him to. And that should be okay, because you don’t need him to validate the woman you are. You all ready know you are the ish and what you bring to the table, so when he does compliment you, he is only re stating what you already know.
  2. Trust: When you do not have trust in a relationship…you have nothing. You cannot have a successful relationship with someone when you don’t trust them. Given, trust is something that is gained over time. However, don’t be so quick to accuse him of doing something if you don’t have any proof or if he is not giving you any reason to believe he is doing so. NOT ALL MEN CHEAT. We tend not to trust someone because of our past hurt or our guy is doing something we don’t like. If that is the case, communicate that. Address the issue and nip it in the bud before it is too late. No good man wants to be constantly accused, just like us good women don’t.
  3. Communication: Communication is key! If you are not able to effectively communicate, then you will have a lot of problems that will go unresolved. Whether it is good or bad, you have to openly communicate about what is bothering you. If you are keeping everything bottled in, how is your guy supposed to know what’s going on? Men are not mind readers and if you want him to understand what is going on and why you are upset, you have to tell him. You have to always be willing to hear what he has to say when he lets you know what is bothering him as well. It is a two way street.
  4. It is okay to spoil him sometimes: We get so caught up in “it is all about us” syndrome. I partly blame society for that. We tend to point the fingers at the opposite sex and we get caught up in this competition. Where, if you are in the right relationship and you are both committed to reaching the same end goal, you are not in competition with one another. It should never be tit for tat. When you get into that type of pattern, you are in trouble and you may want to address that ASAP. Believe it or not, men like to hear they are handsome and that you like what they have on. They like to be treated to a date just as much as we like to. We should never forget about them and make it all about us. Truth is, that is a major turn off to men and most cheating occurs because they did not feel appreciated and or loved.
  5. Continue to date each other: We tend to get comfortable when we have been in relationships for 1 plus years. We cannot do that. You have to do the things you did in the beginning, because life is not going to become easier, it will only become more challenging. If you are not taking time out of your day and or week to just hang out with one another, it can become so easy to forget about each other. If you have to create a date night jar, do so. It can help keep things spicy in your relationship. You don’t want it to get to a point where you are barely hanging and or speaking with one another. That is where cheating comes into play and secrets are created, and I know you don’t want that. Date night does not have to be expensive either. You can have a movie night or a night where you cook his or her favorite meal. 
  6. *** Compromise: You have to willing to compromise. It cannot always be your way. Sometimes you have to put aside your shego and let your man win the battle sometimes. It does not mean what you had to say is not important, it just means you understand sometimes you have to meet him in the middle.

There are numerous of other things you can do to have a successful and healthy relationship. Those are just my favorite top 6.

Having a long lasting and healthy relationship takes time and dedication. There will be times you may want to call it quits and or don’t like one another. That is life. You have to evaluate why you are upset and communicate what is bothering you so you are able to move forward. Nothing worth having is going to come easy. However, you should never stay in a unhealthy relationship though (I will have more post about this) because you are afraid to start over.  Being in the right relationship is a beautiful thing and it is something that is to be enjoyed and not taken for granted.

Like. Comment. Share

 

Do I Trust You?

By definition trust means reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

My definition of trust is being able to be confident in the person you are in a committed relationship with. You are confident that they will take your feelings into consideration when doing things and they will not do things that will intentionally hurt you.

Trusting people in this era we are living in is very hard to do. With social media rising and everyone pretending to be something they are not, it is very difficult to believe people are genuine and honest. 

I know for me trusting someone is very hard for me to do. I have had my fair share of hurt, as many people have. However, when do I or we say enough is enough? When do we give people the benefit of the doubt?

Is it to much of a pain for us to believe that there are trustworthy people out there? Have we been through too much hurt for us to see that there are people who care about us?

I am a big believer of believing when someone shows you their true self. Which typically happens within the first 90 days. If they show you they are a liar…believe that. If they show you they are trustworthy…believe that.

We cannot walk around with the “I am a target” attitude. Because everyone is not the same! Everyone will not miss use or miss treat you. There are some great people out in the world!

When it comes to relationships…trust is huge! Without it, the relationship will not last.

Both parties has to take into consideration of the other persons feelings. If x tells you this makes me feel this way when you do this, believe them. Put the shoes on the other feet and make the needed adjustments for your relationship.

Relationships are a lot of work! And it takes God, communication, and trust to make it last a lifetime.

If you are hesitant to trust your partner, you have to ask yourself why. It could be something they are doing or something that you are doing to yourself. Either situation, you need to address and fix it for the health of your relationship.

Trusting someone with your most inner secrets and heart is a hard thing to do. However, if you are wanting to be this person, it is something you are going to have to learn to do.

Besides, how can you truly love someone…if you don’t trust them?

Like. Comment. Share

Love without limits

We have all suffered a heart break. Some more than others. We are all guilty of holding on to that hurt and taking our pain out on the people that are undeserving. Unfortunately, it is the bad experiences that we hold on to and it is because of those bad experiences we put restrictions on our ability to truly love someone. 

We all on some level crave love. We want to be loved by that man or woman that peaks our interest. We want them to see us for who we really are and not what we portray ourselves to be. However, it is the fear of being rejected by this individual, that we decide to put limits to our love.

When you truly love someone…there are no limits.

You don’t limit yourself to how much of you reveal about who you really are. You don’t limit yourself to the amount of things you do for them. Because, overall making them happy will make you happy.

You are more than a romantic partner to them.

You are their friend…

You are their shoulder to cry on…

You are their support system…

You are their diary…

You are their voice of reason. 

Loving someone without limits is not losing sight of who you are. It’s embracing who God created you to be and not being afraid to share that with someone who is deserving of your love.

We have to be careful to not let our past hurts impact our current relationships. Because, truth is… everyone is different. Not every man or woman will hurt you in the same way the previous person did. In most cases, it’s not even the person we are involved with…it’s us. We as human beings have patterns, and we have dating patterns.

When we allow ourselves to love someone who is deserving of our love without limits, we experience the true beauty of being in love and love itself.

I want you to get rid of all of your negative thoughts about love. Get rid of all of the past hurt. Forgive the person(s) who has wronged and hurt you. If you are unable to do this on your own, that is perfectly fine. You are always able to call on God to show you how to move forward. He is always here to help you get through any obstacle in your life.

When you truly let go of everything and everyone that has hurt you, you will be able to love without limits. You will adopt a positive attitude about love and dating. 

Like. Comment. Share

I’ve Been Waiting For You

I recently was inspired to get back to poetry and this is some of my latest work!

I’ve been waiting for you.

All my life I dreamed of your face,

your touch,

your smell.

I dreamed of how you would look,

how you would act,

how you would laugh,

the things you would like,

or would not like.

I prayed for you.

I prayed you would be the man God had designed for me.

I prayed you would be the man God wanted you to be.

I prayed you would be patient, 

loving,

caring,

righteous, 

faithful,

honest,

strong.

I prayed I would be ready for when our paths would cross.

I prayed for God to show me how to love you,

how to be the woman you need,

how to be understanding,

and accepting of your past.

I’ve been waiting for you.

I’ve been waiting for the right moment where we would run into each other.

I’ve been waiting for our eyes to lock,

for our lips to touch,

four our souls to sync.

I’ve been waiting all my life for a man…like…. YOU.

It has been a very long time since I wrote poetry, five whole years to be exact lol.

As stated,  I was recently inspired and I wanted to give it a shot to see if I still had it! 

Let me know what you think!

Like. Comment. Share