Being Single Is A Blessing

Being single is a B….L…E…S…S…I…N…G.

Yes, I am in a committed relationship and I love my boyfriend. However, when I was single, I enjoyed being single. Now, I am enjoying life in a committed relationship.

I am going to drive home this concept of being single as a blessing and not a bad thing.

Here is why…

We have all dated jerks in our lives.

You know:

  •  Mr. No calling you.
  • Mr. Cheater.
  • Mr. Liar.
  •  Mr. Abuser.

If you can recall the relationship, do you remember the hurt you felt while in that relationship and after the relationship ended? It wasn’t a good feeling, I know. Can you remember how you felt once you had time to process and reflect over everything? You felt good, right?

Instead of trying to fill the void of loneliness and jumping into the first relationship that comes across your path… try being selfish with you.

*Check out some activates to do while being single.  http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-things-you-must-when-youre-single.html

My rule of thumb is, you can truly see someone true colors within 6 months to a year. No one can pretend for years to be something they are not. When people say, “oh he just changed one day” after being with someone for years. I find that hard to believe. People show them true selves within that time frame. We just decide to ignore the signs and hope things will get better in time.

Being single is the time to reflect, understand, and grow. This is the period in your life where you can think solely about yourself and your wants. You can figure out who you are and what you like versus what you don’t like.

As long as you have a vagina, there will always be men in the world that will be after you. Why not be picky about who you decide to let into your space?

When you truly learn you and love you, you won’t let just anyone into your space. Being single, and embracing the journey with an open mind will help prepare you for the right man to come into your life.

Think about it. You would have had spent x amount of time with yourself and enjoyed your life, that you will appreciate the right person in your space. When you do get into a relationship, you will become appreciative of it and not feel like you’re missing out on something.

Society tells us we need to be in a relationship to be somebody. However, I am here to tell you that you are somebody whether or not you are in a relationship.

Lets change that bad stigma about being single and embrace the journey!

 

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Dust YaSelf off Huntie, You’re Beautiful 💁🏾

Because today is motivational Monday, I’m going to share something with you guys! 

I have a 3rd book that will be available on June 17, 2017‼️ 

This book is composed of 25 self empowering affirmations for women. That’s right, if you’re needing a hint or a dose of inspiration, this is the book to get. 

I want to hear about anything you’ve accomplished last week or this month so far. I’m a big believer in sharing our accomplishments. It helps to keep us motivated! 


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Refocus on YOU

Often times, when we are in a committed relationship we forget about us. We become so focused on our man/woman, that we forget about our wants and or needs. If you’re familiar with this, then you know you know where I’m coming from. 

I’m here to tell you that you cannot forget about you in a relationship. You still have to do the things that made you happy, and remember who you are while being in your committed relationship. 

I’m guilty of losing sight of my goals and what made me before I got into a committed relationship. And I can ensure you that by not focusing in on your wants and needs, you’ll put your relationship in jeopardy. I had to rediscover myself. I had to take myself out of my relationship and focus in on what Chelsea liked to do. 

No, this will not create a wedge between your partner and you. This will help the relationship grow, if done correctly. 

Here are a few ways to rediscover yourself!

  1. Go on a mini vacation by yourself: Learning to go on vacations by yourself will help you to be okay with traveling alone and will provide you the time to discover you while on the road. Just travel safe. You can look up how to do so, and I’ll write a post about it as well.
  2. Find out what you’re passionate about and do it often: I am very passionate about writing and helping people. I work full time at a school and I write for a living. When you take time out to focus in on what your passionate about and how to turn that into a profit, you’ll have less time to obsess over your relationship. 
  3. Date yourself: Learning to date myself was the best thing I could’ve done. I don’t need my man to go out to the movies with me and or to eat, because I can do that all by myself. Yes, I love our dates and the time that we do share with one another. However, when he is busy with his things, I just go out by myself.
  4. Hang with your friends: Let’s keep it real here. My boyfriend works a full time job, is an actor, and a model. Sometimes he just may not have the time to hang out with me like I want him to, so having my friends to hang with is really great. Never and I mean never get rid of your friends when you’re in a relationship. Real friends are hard to find and they will always be here for you no matter what. 

Those are the 4 things you can start to do to rediscover you. 

Of course, spending time with one another is highly important. Time spent vs time not spent can make or break a relationship. However, you have to be careful to not become your relationship. You have to still do the things that made you who you are before you got into that relationship. 

Let me know what you think! 

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Living Single

There is a bad stigma behind being single. When In fact, there is nothing wrong with being single. Although, I’m in a committed relationship and I’m very happy with my boyfriend; being single was a good time for me as well. 

I’m going to give you a few things you can do to embrace being single and how to have a good time doing so. 

Below are some ways to embrace your singleness! 

  1. Date yourself: You don’t need a man to take you out on a date. Learn to date you. I go to the movies and out to eat all of the time by myself. It’s actual refreshing and I have learned to enjoy my own company.
  2. Set personal goals and crush them: Alrhough, you are never to become your relationship (when you’re in one), being single is the perfect time to focus on you. I had set career goals and focused on building my business. I put all of my energy into what I wanted to do and focused soley on my wants and needs, and not someone else’s.
  3. Learn to love you: Learning to love you is the best thing you can do for you. Take the time out to learn what makes you happy and what makes you mad. Learn what you like vs what you don’t like. Learn to know what you are looking for in a man vs what you don’t want in a man. Learn to be your very own cheerleader, because if you love who you are, then so will your future mate.
  4. Date: Date when you’re ready of course. But when you get to this stage, date to have a good time and not just so much to find the one. Mr. Right will come when you least expect it and dating around is a great way to understand yourself and your likes vs not likes. 
  5. Develop a hobby: When you keep yourself busy with things that make you happy, you’ll have less time to think about being single. Learn a new skill or take up a new painting class. The more your day is filled with things, the less time you have to dwell on not having someone there. 

These are just the top 5 things I believe are the first steps to embracing being single! 

Remember, being single is a time where you can focus soley on what you want and learn to become the person you want to be. Also, this is the time to heal from the past hurts. 

Never look at being single as a bad thing. Look at it as a way to discover you!

Let me know your thoughts!!! 

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Why He Cheated

I was reading an article about the reasons why men cheat. To my surprise, most men cheat because they do not feel appreciated. While I do not tolerate cheating of any sort and that is the number one deal breaker for me, I can understand why that would lead to  cheating in a relationship. 

I recently had a wake up call in my relationship. I have developed this selfish all about me habit when it comes to being in a relationship. I have been hurt too many times in my past relationships, that I have this wall built between me and another individual. I figure, I’ll get everything I want out of someone before they leave me and disregard how they feel about things. I’ll be the first to admit, this is the wrong way to go about things in a relationship. If your you man is not making you feel secure about something, the best thing is to talk about it. You should never shut out what hurts them, because you feel they are hurting you. 

My boyfriend and I are not perfect, but we have no problem communicating how we feel about things between one another. Every morning before I head to work, I would give him a kiss goodbye and if he is awake enough, he compliments me on how I look. He actually compliments me a lot lol. If I am upset, he is there to comfort me and to listen to what I have to say.

My boyfriend is a very sweet and caring individual and I took that for granted. I realized after one disagreement we had about how I made him feel, that I did not show how much I appreciated him. I just figured he knew that I appreciated him. I am here to tell you to not assume your man knows you appreciate him. You have to show and tell him on a daily basics. 

I decided to write this post to outline someways to show your man that he is appreciated. 

  1. Plan a trip/outing for the both of you: This does not have to be expensive. You can look up local resorts or hotels within your area. Having a night out the house with just the two of you could be what you and he needs. And taking time to plan a trip somewhere shows appreciation, because it takes time to plan a trip. 
  2. Compliment him: We as women get complimented wherever we go. Men really do not get complimented as much as we do, and it can do things to their self-esteem. Men not only get haircuts for themselves, but they get them to look good for their women as well. Letting him know he looks good, will give him that extra boost to his confidence. 
  3. Instead of telling him what he does wrong, try telling him what he does right: Men already think we nag all of the time. Think about it, if you had someone constantly telling you what you do/did wrong and never what you do/did right, you would think the same thing. And it would not motivate you to make the needed changes either. Try telling him what he does right for change. By focusing on the positives in your relationship, it will decrease the negativity within your relationship. When you bring something to his attention, he would more than likely be more inclined to make the changes, like clean the toilet, because you told him on numerous of occasions you appreciated the small things he does. 
  4. Spend time with him: I am not a fan of sports and I barely watch cartoons. However, my man love sports and these Japanese cartoons (they are really good btw). I take a genuine interest in what he likes to watch on television and the things he likes to do. This allows us to spend time together and a chance for me to learn more about him. 
  5. Support your man dreams/goals: My boyfriend is an actor and model. I am at every event he has and I offer advise on areas where he can approve and what he did well. We are building a future together and I understand his success is my success. I want nothing more for him to live out all of his dreams and if I can help in anyway, I am going to do just that. Do not be a dead beat downer and tell him what he cannot do. Instead, encourage and breathe life into your man. By taking a genuine interest in his dreams, it shows you care about what is important to him. 

These are just some starting points to show appreciation for your man. Now, I am not saying this will prevent cheating in a relationship, but making sure your man feels appreciated could decrease the chances of cheating. 

Make sure to comment below some of your suggestions and add any feedback to what I have stated below. 

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Lesson One: Beauty Within

For 20 years, I did not know what it meant to love yourself. I always looked for love in all the wrong places.

If they thought I was beautiful or smart…I thought that.

If they thought I needed to lose weight and that I was too strong minded…I thought that.

If they no longer wanted to be with me; whether they were at fault, I questioned my worth.

My value..my worth…my beauty, was wrapped up in what a guy thought about me. I was extremely depressed during this period in my life. I did not know who I was and I hated the woman in the mirror.

On my 21st birthday, I decided enough was enough. I wanted to find out who Chelsea was. I wanted to smile at the woman in the mirror.

Although, this has been a very long journey, I finally discovered me.

I am beautiful.

I am smart.

I am enough.

My worth is not based on what some guy thinks about me. My worth is based on how I see myself.

I no longer walk with my head down. I hold my head high and walk with confidence. I know I am the ish and there is no other woman out there like me.

Why?

Because, God uniquely created me and there is not another me out there.  I now know, in order to have any successful relationship, you have to first have one with yourself.

Learn to love you.

Learn to appreciate you.

Learn to be selfish with you.

Sometimes you have to look yourself in the mirror and say, “Damn girl, you’re beautiful!”

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Love Me Unselfishly

According to the research I have done, the number one reason relationships end is because people are selfish.

**I found this interesting article and you should check it out.

Selfishness is when we are devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others (dictionary.com).  We are so stuck in this mindset of everything being about us, that we never take the time out to think about the person we are involved with. From my personal experience, being selfish can damage and if not ruin your relationship.

I believe selfishness is a way we protect ourselves in relationships from getting hurt. There is not a way to know if someone will be with you forever, so we hold ourselves back to protect ourselves. When you constantly make things about you, it is a way to ensure that you are getting everything from your romantic partner before they head for the door.

If you truly love and care about someone, the best thing to do is to give the relationship a chance. You have to love unselfishly and know that you gave and or are giving the relationship 100%. Even if the relationships ends, you would be able to walk away knowing that you were true to the relationship and did not half love your partner.

Love is a risk. Letting someone in is a risk. However, living in this world is a risk. Driving on the roads is a risk. Nothing in life is guaranteed, but death. So why not love someone who is deserving unselfishly?

Here are 4 ways to break your selfish habits when it comes to love.

  1. Put yourself in the other person shoes: When your partner is telling you that something is bothering them or is hurting them, listen to them the first time. This will show that you care about their feelings. Think about if he/she did this to you, how would this make you feel. This will allow you to become emphatic to the situation and will allow you to make the needed corrections for the situation at hand.
  2. Learn to listen: I learned in my communication classes about non verbal and verbal communication. Sometimes your partner will not verbally tell you what is going on with them or why they are upset with you. It may be the short responses or the distance that is put in between you guys in the bedroom that is telling you that something is bothering them. Learn to take the time out to listen to what is being said and unsaid. Also, if they blatantly tell you exactly why they are upset with you, do not take it lightly. 
  3. Appreciate the small things: If they take the time out of every morning to tell you that you are beautiful, but are not sending you flowers every Tuesday of the week. Do not complain they are not sending you flowers, like Shelia’s boyfriend, and that they do not care about you. That shows that you are unappreciative and it will make them feel underappreciated.
  4. Own up to your mistakes and take full accountability: There is nothing worse than someone who cannot take accountability for the things they do. When you apologize, mean it. Do not say, “I am sorry for x, but you did y.” That is not a sincere apologize and you should of had kept it to yourself. Also, do not give excuses for why you did something. Own it. “Yeah I did x and I am sorry for hurting your feelings.” You can explain why you did something, but explaining something and providing an excuse, is two different things.

There are a lot of factors that goes into having a healthy relationship. I know the media has a good way of displaying that relationships will be a walk in the park. In reality, that is far from the truth. A part from not being selfish, communication and trust are huge to having a successful relationship.

If you feel I have left out any other tips on how to break selfish habits, please let me know. I would like to see what you think and or have to say!

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Embrace YOU

Be YOU!

Teach the world how to love you.

Teach the world how to respect you.

Teach the world how to appreciate you.

Be YOU!

Aspire to embrace you.

Aspire to love you.

Aspire to appreciate you.

Be YOU!

Never apologize for being strong minded.

Never apologize for being ambitious.

Never apologize for having standards.

Be YOU!

Never settle.

Never give up.

Learn to love the woman you are.

Embrace YOU.

**Need help transforming your mind? Click hereto check out the services I offer.

Not ready for a Self-Transformational Coach, no worries. Just subscribe and follow my blog!  

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Thank You!

Thank you for all of the broken promises you made. You taught me that a man is only good by the actions he shows.

Thank you for telling me to be realistic about my dreams and aspirations in life. You taught me to never settle in life and to hell what others say.

Thank you for walking out on me. You taught me to never depend on someone to always be there.

Thank you for the fake tears. You taught me that any living human being can fake a tear or two.

Thank your mom for telling me I was not good enough for you. You helped me to realize, it was in fact you who was not good enough for me.

Thank you for loving me incorrectly. You taught me love is when you love unselfishly.

Thank you for breaking my heart. You showed me to learn to love myself. Loving myself was the greatest gift I could ever give to my future, now current man.

Thank you for showing me all of the qualities I could never want in a man.

 

Sincerely yours truly,

 

Doing better without you!

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You Made It!

Whew you made it through the first week of the year. Give yourself a pat on the back! 

I want you to take the weekend to reflect, recollect, and plan for the next week. To reach your goals, you have to constantly push yourself. You have to constantly challenge yourself.

If you did not accomplish your goal(s) this week, that is perfectly okay. You have this weekend to regroup and to try again.

You are not a failure if you keep trying. You only reach that failure status if you give up on yourself.

Remember, dust your heels off and get back to it!

Here is to the weekend and a wonderful rest of the year!

Happy Friday! 

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