According to the research I have done, the number one reason relationships end is because people are selfish.
**I found this interesting article and you should check it out.
Selfishness is when we are devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others (dictionary.com). We are so stuck in this mindset of everything being about us, that we never take the time out to think about the person we are involved with. From my personal experience, being selfish can damage and if not ruin your relationship.
I believe selfishness is a way we protect ourselves in relationships from getting hurt. There is not a way to know if someone will be with you forever, so we hold ourselves back to protect ourselves. When you constantly make things about you, it is a way to ensure that you are getting everything from your romantic partner before they head for the door.
If you truly love and care about someone, the best thing to do is to give the relationship a chance. You have to love unselfishly and know that you gave and or are giving the relationship 100%. Even if the relationships ends, you would be able to walk away knowing that you were true to the relationship and did not half love your partner.
Love is a risk. Letting someone in is a risk. However, living in this world is a risk. Driving on the roads is a risk. Nothing in life is guaranteed, but death. So why not love someone who is deserving unselfishly?
Here are 4 ways to break your selfish habits when it comes to love.
- Put yourself in the other person shoes: When your partner is telling you that something is bothering them or is hurting them, listen to them the first time. This will show that you care about their feelings. Think about if he/she did this to you, how would this make you feel. This will allow you to become emphatic to the situation and will allow you to make the needed corrections for the situation at hand.
- Learn to listen: I learned in my communication classes about non verbal and verbal communication. Sometimes your partner will not verbally tell you what is going on with them or why they are upset with you. It may be the short responses or the distance that is put in between you guys in the bedroom that is telling you that something is bothering them. Learn to take the time out to listen to what is being said and unsaid. Also, if they blatantly tell you exactly why they are upset with you, do not take it lightly.
- Appreciate the small things: If they take the time out of every morning to tell you that you are beautiful, but are not sending you flowers every Tuesday of the week. Do not complain they are not sending you flowers, like Shelia’s boyfriend, and that they do not care about you. That shows that you are unappreciative and it will make them feel underappreciated.
- Own up to your mistakes and take full accountability: There is nothing worse than someone who cannot take accountability for the things they do. When you apologize, mean it. Do not say, “I am sorry for x, but you did y.” That is not a sincere apologize and you should of had kept it to yourself. Also, do not give excuses for why you did something. Own it. “Yeah I did x and I am sorry for hurting your feelings.” You can explain why you did something, but explaining something and providing an excuse, is two different things.
There are a lot of factors that goes into having a healthy relationship. I know the media has a good way of displaying that relationships will be a walk in the park. In reality, that is far from the truth. A part from not being selfish, communication and trust are huge to having a successful relationship.
If you feel I have left out any other tips on how to break selfish habits, please let me know. I would like to see what you think and or have to say!
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