Online Dating

Yes, you read the headline correctly.

I am going to be honest here, I was against online dating for all of my life until recently. I always valued meeting someone face to face and getting to know them. I figured you can weed of the crazies faster.

Wrong!

Yes I still like to meet people face to face, but lets be honest here. With this shift to everything being on the internet and peoples busy schedule, dating in this world is impossible!

I  believe people actually would like to date online, but are afraid of all of the misconceptions about it. You know what your friends and family tell you. It’s crazy people on the internet, how do you know if that is a real person? That’s just desperation….blah…blah…blah.

My favorite response to all of that is, “Don’t knock it until you have tried it”. “You can meet crazy people in person just as much as you can online”. “You have to date smart online and off line”. “That does not make me desperate, because I am exploring my options”. 

So, I decided to let you guys know a few benefits of online dating! 

  1. Online dating gives you a boost of self confidence! Think about it. When you find the right dating website (I’ll make another post and reviews about which ones to use), you will quickly see how many men are interested in you and who thinks your beautiful. You will quickly develop this mindset of why stress over one person when there is 1,000 men waiting to spend time with you.
  2. You’re in control of who you want to go out with, and who you don’t want to go out with. You can scroll through peoples profiles and pictures to decide if you both would have something in common. I like to read about what people like and don’t like. Their beliefs, hobbies, education status, etc. That helps me to know if this person would possibly be a good match for me or not. It makes me feel like I am in control of the situation, and I don’t have to be in a rush to make a decision on if I might possibly like this guy. Basically, he is waiting on me to choose him.
  3. The crazies revels themselves very quickly! We have this thing about saving face. Which means we are not our true selves when we meet people for the first few times. Often times when we meet someone in person we think that they would be a good fit for us. However, within 90 days, we quickly realize they had way more problems then what they had led you to believe. When it comes to online dating, people tend to tell everything about themselves. You notice how someone types, the things they talk, about, and how they say things very quickly if they would be a good match for you.
  4. Online dating provides you with options. Unless you have absolutely nothing to do (work or school), you may have the time to go out in the world and meet (date) multiple people. However, the average person does not have that much free time. When we have options, it helps us be more cautious to giving our all to someone who is undeserving.  When you have options, you become selfish with you and you become selective with who you become in a committed relationship with.
  5. You can immediately delete someone from your life if the date goes bad! When you are dating online you don’t have to provide someone with your number right away if you don’t want to. You can simply tell them that you are not ready to give that to them and you hope they understand (it works too). You both would just pick a location and meet up there. If the date goes bad, they have this special feature called “block”.  You can stop all communication with this person and move on with your life.

All in all, I am for both kinds of dating. Whether it is in person or online, you still have to be careful with who you date. Online dating just gives you another way to meet that special someone!

I am going to have more posts about which website to use and how to date online safely. If this is something you would want to know more about, make sure you subscribe and follow my Blog for updates!

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My Roots Are B..E..A..U..T..I..F..U..L

I want you to repeat after me, “my roots are beautiful”!

I graduated high school in 2011 and I went right to college. For all of 22 years of my life, I struggled with what beauty meant, and if I fit into the category and definition of beauty.

I so badly wanted to be light skin with long hair growing up. No surprise there though. From the day that I was born, society has told me that I was not beautiful.

I was not the right shade of black.

My hair was too kinky.

I had too many curves.

It was not until the semester before my last year in college that I decided to do some research. I decided to take a look at who God created me to be and start embracing it. I often thought to myself, how can I give advice on embracing who God designed us to be, if I was not doing the same?

I have been natural for about 2 years (going on three in the winter) now. I must say, being natural was one of the best decisions I made in my lifetime thus far.

Embracing my roots has given me the confidence that I was lacking my entire life!

The problem comes into play when people talk about your (my) natural hair. My family and some of my friends in particular (love them all dearly), are my biggest critics when it comes to me being natural. They have said things that has been very hurtful. 

“Do you need money to get your hair done?”

“Why are you wearing your hair like that?

” Can you please get a weave”

“I like you better with straight hair”

” Everyone cannot rock the natural look”

“You will not get a job with your hair like that”

Yes, what they have said is hurtful, and if I did not have tough skin, or confidence in myself, I would’ve fallen a part. However, I don’t blame them nor the other people who make very similar comments (sometimes worse) about blacks deciding to wear their natural hair.

It is a forum of brainwashing. We have as a people…as a community…as a country…have all been brainwashed. We are lead to believe that black people wearing their natural hair is ugly and not the norm. Our ancestors were forced to get rid of everything that reminded them of where they had come from and who they were as a people.

This country has tricked us into bashing people for embracing who God had made them to be. Instead of society acknowledging that black people are different (skin tone, features, hair, etc.) and learning about it, people shame us. I have been talked about for wearing my hair in its natural state.

It is actually a forum of bullying to be honest.

Did you know that relaxers and weaves came about to make black people more European like?

***F.Y.I: Relaxers are actually bad for the body and the hair.

Yes, Egyptians and other African tribes wore wigs. However, their wigs represented their natural hair. 

Did you know that blacks natural hair represented their material status, social class, and health status?

Did you know by bashing people who decide to wear their hair in its natural state, that you are to blame for the many problems we have within this country?

Below, is 2 videos that speaks about natural hair.

If you decide to wear relaxed, straight, or weaves, that is your choice. Just like it is mines and others like me choice to wear our hair in its natural state. Instead of speaking hurtful and cruel words to someone, try complimenting them. If you don’t like their hair, that is fine as well. It is better to not speak, if you have nothing nice to say.

God did not create us the same for a reason! If he wanted us be exactly the same he would’ve done so. We all our uniquely made and we need to start embracing that!

We need to start embracing who God created us to be.

I’m here to tell you, embrace ya roots girl, you’re beautiful!

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Time out…Life will be there.

We all need a vacation from this thing we call life at times.

I recently started graduate school (post(s) coming soon on how to survive graduate school), and I am working on two projects at the moment (details coming soon). I needed to refresh and recharge for the weekend!

My boyfriend and I decided to go to New Jersey, Philly, and New York this past weekend. 

I will admit, a 9 hour car ride made me realize I talk entirely too much lol. However, that is a part of who I am, so it does not really matter anyway.

Anyways, with this small getaway, I got to reevaluate somethings. I got to come up with a plan ( 2year plan to be exact), without all of the distractions. 

Taking a time out on life is not always a bad idea. You get to regroup and come up with a plan. You listen to the inner voice that is screaming out at you, and you are able to focus on what you really want and what really matters.

We spend entirely too much time at work or with other activities, and less time enjoying our lives. We don’t take the time that we need to focus on what it is that we really want out of life. 

When we pause everything and plan a quick getaway, we give ourselves time to regroup. We rebuild the confidence in ourselves and visions that had got swept under our everyday lives.

I encourage everyone to take time away from their everyday lives and just live!

Focus on yourselves for a change!

Figure out what you want out of life.

Because, trust of the matter is, we only get one life to live, so we have to make it count!

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Words Kill.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, then please don’t speak.

Words can kill.

Not in the physical sense so much either. I am speaking more mental and spiritual here.

Growing up, I can admit people often bullied me. I quickly learned to use my fist. I often hid how what people said to me and about me.

I developed the idea that emotions were for the weak and to stop the hurtful words, you should punch someone in the face or fire back with the same hurtful words.

At 23, I have come to the realization that words hurt and words matter. People in today’s world are cruel and they don’t care what kind of impact they have on people when they say hurtful things.

Yes, we should all have tough skin.

Yes, we should not let the opinions or others impact or affect what we believe about ourselves.

Because truth of the matter is, no one opinions matters but Gods.

However, words kill.

Words are the very thing that puts people into depression.

Words are the very thing that sets the environment for bullying. 

Words are the very thing that sets the tone for suicidal thoughts and the act itself.

Words are the very thing that set the tone for low self esteem. 

We as a society…as a world…need to do better.

I know what it feels like to be bullied.

I make it my goal to not speak harsh things to people (no matter what they say to me), because you can never take them back. You never know what impact your words have on someone else.

We need to start eliminating the hurtful words, and replacing them with uplifting and loving words.

It all starts with YOU today.

Lets vow to use words that will help elevate someone.

Lets vow to use words that will inspire someone.

Lets vow to use words to let them know that they and their lives matter.

Lets start being the positive change we need in the world! 

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Celibacy

I have been debating for sometime now if I should write about celibacy. I am not one to advise or to manipulate someone to choose celibacy because, God calls for us to save ourselves for marriage.  However, I figured I would share a part of myself with you all today.

First, celibacy means:

  1. abstention from sexual relations.  
  2. abstention by vow from marriage.
  3. the state of being unmarried.

Before deciding to practice celibacy, you should determine why you are doing so. I know for me, one of the reasons why I decided to become celibate was because of my spiritual beliefs. If that is your only reason for why you have decided to become celibate, that is great!

I remember reading the “Wait”, by Devon Franklin and Megan Good (great book by the way), and when I fist purchased the book, I was not serious at the time about practicing a celibate lifestyle. I knew I wanted to, but doubted that I had the strength to.

It was after I had reached a dark place in my life and after having a failed relationship, that I made my mind up about becoming celibate. I no longer wanted to give a part of myself to someone who was not deserving of all that I had to offer. I no longer wanted to feel empty when I finished sharing my most treasured possession with someone. I no longer wanted to feel unconnected with God. I wanted to have the best God had for me. I wanted to do right by God…by myself…by my body. I no longer just wanted relations with someone, but I wanted a deeper level of commitment…a bond between man and wife…a bond where we choose to dedicate our lives and love to one another.

I decided to read the entire book.

I decided to pray.

I decided to stop making excuses.

I made up my mind.

I became celibate for me.

Yes, I am following God’s plan for us to save ourselves for marriage. However, that was not the only reason why I decided to take on this journey. Practicing celibacy has helped with so many other areas in my life. I actually have been learning to date without the pressure of it eventually leading to sex or denying them for that matter. I have develop a sense for guys who are  just after one thing. I have developed a sense of my worth and what I will and can bring to the table when I am in a committed relationship that is not based on sex (I am in a relationship by the way, but that is a story for another time).

Deciding to become celibate was the best decision I have made in a very long time.

Is it easy? No. I would be lying if I said it was a walk in the park. However, with a made up mind and the strength from God, I am able to do it. I am able to express myself to my boyfriend in other ways than sex. I am able to understand if what I am feeling for him is real or if it is fake. I am allowing myself to actually get to know who he is as an individual. 

Being celibate is a great thing to practice, in my opinion anyway.

I have vowed celibacy until my wedding day and I am okay with that. Others may tease you or say that being in a relationship with someone without sex is crazy. Well, that is there opinion, and you can tell them that with them having sex in all of their failed relationships, where has that gotten them? And how has that impacted their life?  It’s not for others to understand why you are embarking on this journey. It for you to understand why you are going down this path.

Always remember to pray for strength and remember why you started. It gets easier with time.

***Spoiler Alert! I will have more post about this, so let me know what you want to talk about or the challenges you face, or just your opinions about celibacy in general.

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Living vs Existing

My definition of living is when you make up in your mind that you are going to live life everyday to the fullest. You are not making up any excuses on why you are unable to do something, and you are making all of your dreams and goals a reality. You eliminate the “I can’t attitude” and replace it with the “I will and can” attitude.

You by no means waste time thinking about what others think, and what the world tells you that you should be doing. Instead, you make your own rules and you live the life God wanted for you to live to the fullest!

My definition of existing is when you live day to day with regrets. You began to develop this never ending cycle of going to work and going home. You never truly live your life, because you have filled your mind up with reasons of why you can’t. When you are just existing you become a negative person (in most cases) and you live your life through others who are making their dreams and goals a reality. Just existing in this world will cause you to question the decisions you have made in your life, cause you to go into depression, and put you in this rut of a defeated attitude. 

I will never forget my freshmen year in college when they had us go to this comedy show (he was not funny by the way). He told us that we were in school for us and we have control over the kind of life we wanted to live. He asked us if we wanted to be the typical American who bitched (excuse my language) about their jobs, or did we want to be someone who went out and made their dreams a reality?

It is 5 years later and that question still pounces around in my mind. I hate complaining and I strongly dislike when people complain. I have sooooo much to thank God for and he has blessed me in numerous of ways. I consider myself truly blessed and when I complain about my job or anything in my life, it puts me in a really bad mood.

 When you start to feed your fears of failure, you start to develop this pattern of playing it safe. Playing it safe hurts no one but yourself at the end of the day.

With every failure comes success.

I vowed to make all of my dreams a reality and to build the life that I want, and not the life that others tell me I should have. I refuse to just exist in this world. When God calls me home I want to of had impacted the world in a positive way and to have lived a full life.!

Complaining changes nothing! It actually makes you a not so pleasant person to be around.

My favorite thing to tell anyone is to live the life God has blessed you with.

Live on purpose and pray always!

You only get one life to live, so make it count!

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Less Is Best!

We all have moments in our lives where we want to share what is going on. In most cases, it is when we are happy with how life is going is when we want to share the most.

The sad truth is, not everyone needs to know when things in your life is going great..alright…okay…bad.

It is not to say that people will not be happy for you, because some people will. However, there will be some people who will not be happy for you. There will be people who will pray for your downfall.

Don’t blame yourself for those kinds of people, because it is nothing that you have done. People like that are just not happy with themselves. Therefore, they cannot be happy for you.

They best way to resolve that and the negativity that some people bring, is to say less.

Everyone does not need to know about your relationship, your finances, your aspirations in life, or what food you ate for dinner.

We have become accustomed to a world where we share every intimate moment in our lives, and we leave ourselves vulnerable to what people think about us.  When in reality, no ones opinions matters but Gods and yours.

I had to learn this lesson the hard way (I am still learning actually), saying less is best. That does not mean that you don’t share your trials and success with others, because what you have been through or going through can help someone else who is going through a similar situation. I am saying BE CAREFUL WHO YOU OPEN UP TO AND SHARE YOUR PERSONAL BUSINESS WITH. Not everyone has the best intentions.

Also, the less people know about your personal business, the better off you will be. The less someone can judge you on the past mistakes and the less someone can belittle you into doing something that you don’t want to do.

I want you to know there is a huge difference between people who truly want you to be happy and people who just want to be in your business.

I want you to repeat after me, “LESS IS BEST!”

let me know what think!

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